i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
