I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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