gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
