You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
