In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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