How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
