My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
