hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
