White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
