my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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