You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
