Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
