I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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