Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
