if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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