I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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