you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
