I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
