saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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