i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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