I accidentally had phone sex last night
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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