i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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