I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
