i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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