Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
