your room smells of hookers.
And success
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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