P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
