I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
