Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
