Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
