We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just pee around me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
