i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
im six kinds of drunk right now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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