The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
