just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
