if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
