I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You dont lie about slip and slides
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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