oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
