I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We're too hungover to prance.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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