ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
