just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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