Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
