I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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