Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
