you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
