Will you blow on my dice?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
