I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
