Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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