He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
