I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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