Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
