I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
