Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
