I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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