I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
