Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
