take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
