Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
